PODCAST QUESTIONS
Choose an animal that best represents the way you’re feeling today? Tell me about your walking? Would you be able to give some background about yourself? How do you manage your anxiety now? How does meditation support you?
TRANSCRIPT
Frederique
Thank you first for accepting my invitation to be on the podcast. I feel very humbled and happy that you give me- you are able to give me your, your point of view regarding managing anxiety for over 50s, and how meditation and walking helps you. Can you please tell us how you feel by choosing an animal and why you have chosen this animal?
Jeffrey
Today? Uh… I feel like a leopard.
Frederique
Please, can you choose an animal that represent the way you feel? And tell us why you choose, you chosen this animal?
Jeffrey
What animal should I- What- Do you want to give me-? I haven’t got that list with me.
Frederique
That’s all right. I mean, choose any animal today. How do you feel? Personally, I feel like a dolphin.
Jeffrey
Today? Uh, any animal… I don’t know, I feel like a leopard.
Frederique
Okay! Why? This is sweet.
Jeffrey
Most likely because I’ve been working out and then… I’ll do a walk as well. So yeah, that’s my leopard day, I suppose.
(Introduction music plays then stops)
Frederique
Talking about walking. I remember in another conversation that we had, you was talking about how important it is.
Jeffrey
I’ve worked out all my life. Even when I was younger. And then, you know, I used to run around a lot. And I found that very cheap, even though I used to get, you know, I mean I… I got stressed when I was younger as well. So… and that stems from… I think, childhood days. So it was important that fitness and keeping, keeping fit was part of my regime, to do that so… And likewise now, I mean, I don’t run anymore because, I don’t know, with the age, but I still work out and I still walk every day, more or less without found.
Frederique
Can you tell us- How long you said?
Jeffrey
40 minutes or an hour.
Frederique
Great. And you feel better, you said?
Jeffrey
I always feel better after I’ve done it, yeah. Uh, speed, normally I walk quite fast. So a speed walking is quite good, and I try to walk up hills or I walk in the countryside because it’s more relaxing in the summer, definitely. It’s a bit muddy at the moment in the countryside. But yeah, so… yes, it’s important to keep, keep that going.
Frederique
And I was just…
Jeffrey
I think that helps with your mental fitness as well. Being out in the fresh air and working your heart, and lungs, and legs, and then finance.
Frederique
I was just wondering, because you mentioned the fact that your anxiety comes from your, your childhood. And… can you tell us a little bit more about your background? If it’s possible, where you, you were born, how many siblings you had, and what was your family like?
Jeffrey
My family… I was born in the Bronx up in the 50s. So I… yeah, so I went to school in the 50s, started school in the 50s. When I was five, my parents were both, you know, hard working- from a hard working background, after the Second World War, where they went through difficult times. But they… I have older brother, so it’s three years difference. So they… know other sisters or brothers. So they, yeah, they were good parents. And they gave us some very good, strong, lasting values. My father was a pretty fit man as well. And he had quite a good job for his age, but his tap for that time. And so yeah, so I went to school in the 50s, childhood school, which in particular I didn’t like childhood school. And maybe that was where I got my anxiety from, because I get- I used to get very stressed out about going to school, and being away from my mother.
Frederique
Okay. And did you did you keep that anxiety even at work, or that, that faded out after a while?
Jeffrey
Uh, once I left junior school, uh… I didn’t like… I got better because I didn’t like going to school with demons at junior school. So I think… I experienced when I was very young… I fell out of my cot and had a concussion. I had to go to the hospital on Christmas day, and they wouldn’t let my parents stay.
Frederique
Oh…
Jeffrey
They weren’t allowed. They weren’t allowed to stay in those days. So I can remember screaming and crying, when I was maybe not even a year old, and them saying goodbye to me and I was terribly frightened.
Frederique
Of course.
Jeffrey
So these things sometimes have a lasting impact on, on setting up some sort of parameter why, why you get stressed or why you get, you know, panic attacks or… So that, that was better when I went to the oldest school, and then I went to work and most likely went away for a bit, and then it came back when I was in my 20s, I can remember experiencing that. And I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I thought I was having a breakdown. I didn’t know what panic attacks were really.
Frederique
Oh, so that was panic attacks, okay.
Jeffrey
I think it was panic attacks. Yeah, so being out of one’s comfort zone and, and then… so those days you didn’t really see anyone to talk to you about this. You didn’t there weren’t many counsellors. It was something that you… so you went to the doctor and he gave you some drugs. So they may well have calmed me down, but long term, I don’t really think I wanted to stay on them. Cuz… so… I decided, I decided to come off them, and it didn’t help me. They did help me for a bit, I’m sure…
Frederique
So did you, do you feel that the root of the problem was not taken care of? So all the externals signs of anxiety were dealt with, with your GP, or doctors or whoever? But no.
Jeffrey
Yeah, no, I didn’t go and see it, I didn’t go to counselling then. And it wasn’t till… and then I most likely got quite a lot better. And for many years, I, I didn’t experience any problems. And then I got I got married to my first wife, and we had two children. And she, she was a counsellor herself, so that was quite… how old she just started doing that sort of work, so that was quite helpful in its own right? But I didn’t really experienced… And then… well, we broke up after 13 years, when my children were quite young. So my daughter was only six, and my son was about eight or nine. So that was quite upsetting. My, my wife had… she was younger than me, so she had a few affairs. And then she eventually went up with and she got married, and she eventually, yeah, she got married to a guy who was also a counsellor. But as regards that situation, I mean, we’re still now we’re actually very good friends, so… But at the time, it was it was something I had to deal with, and it was a difficult time in my, in my life. So I was… yeah, I guess for in my… early 40s. Yeah. So um… but I mean, I had I had a, you know, reasonably good job. And where I met lots of people, and socialised, and so… I ended up having quite a few relationships myself. And I then, it was then that I took some my wife said that I didn’t experience some problems. So she said, ‘go and see’. So she suggested a couple of counsellors to me, and I went to see them. And…
Frederique
Did that help?
Jeffrey
Yes, I think it did help about, you know, what was going on, and how to how to deal with these anxiety situations. Some were better than others. Some are quite hard, they really… wouldn’t really lead you to much, you had to do the talking, which could be quite exhausting.
Frederique
Yes! I had this experience too. And sometimes I just felt that it was not working. What’s the point of going to a counsellor just to talk? I needed, you know, some practical tools.
Jeffrey
And maybe a bit more, yeah, down to earth sort of, day to day help, or assistance with how you deal with some things, yes. So it was then that I eventually went to see a counsellor who was also a homoeopath as well, and I’ve been seeing her for over 12 years.
Frederique
Okay.
Jeffrey
So she started more or less from scratch as well, but she is far more down to earth. In terms of counselling skills, we talk about diet and I believe, you know, that the, the homoeopathic remedies, which have now been taken for over 10 years, uh… Some people don’t believe in it, but I mean, I think it’s worth, I think it has worked for me, as a gradual build up.
Frederique
Do you think she has that she has a holistic approach, I can say?
Jeffrey
Yes. Yeah. Yes. She has a holistic approach. But she’s also a qualified counsellor. So the two work quite well. Both in hand, you know?
Frederique
That’s very interesting. Very interesting.
Jeffrey
She has many clients. But, ya know, so that’s been good. Base supportive.
Frederique
Do you… um, do you remember the first time you did meditation? And how did that go for you?
Jeffrey
I only started meditation last year. And it was someone that put put me on to it. They…. who is it? Yes, it was a lady that I knew. And she said, ‘well, why don’t you-‘ Of course she knew I maybe I suffered with anxiety problems. So she said, ‘why don’t you try going to see? Why don’t you try a course on from this. I know for some people, it’s really changed them and helped them’. And I so I took an eight week course. Which was quite difficult. I had to break it in between because I had to go to Kenya to see my wife. I took it because my…. because last year I think, she had a stroke. That was another difficult time for me to have to go through. So I was getting a lot of problems. And I decided…
Frederique
Can you just repeat, repeat what you just said, because you broke down? In regard of the… when you started meditation, so then you had to break the eight week course?
Jeffrey
I only missed one week, because I had to go to Kenya. But apart from that, so I stuck with it. I found it quite difficult to start because I didn’t really know what to expect from it. I thought it was just going to happen suddenly, overnight, and was I doing the right things and… But I thought, well, I decided to give it a real go in January when the calls ended. So I got a- there’s various apps you can get. So I downloaded this one called Calm. And in January, I started. That is £28 for the year. And you can go into it. You can look at different sleep modes, anxiety modes, all sort of different types of things. Stories to help you go to sleep at night, which can cause you anxiety. You don’t sleep… That… so I have, since January, I’ve not missed a day.
Frederique
Great!
Jeffrey
So even though it’s only maybe… I don’t do long periods of it. I do 10 minutes in the morning to start the day. And 10 minutes–15 minutes in the evening. I might also do a 15 minute session to help me go to sleep.
Frederique
Okay.
Jeffrey
So I think that’s helped me. I think, I, I think it’s calmed me a lot. Not quite as stressed as I used to be. But I still have my moments.
Frederique
Okay, yeah.
Jeffrey
But it helps with the breathing. So you’re focusing on the current moment and trying not to get stressed out about the future, about tomorrow, worrying about tomorrow, worrying about the past –the past is gone. You can’t change it. But, you know, a lot of my problems where I used to worry about the future, and how I would deal with certain situations I would be, be in. So you’re inviting anxiety before you’ve even got there to… So going somewhere or so it’s all about really being, being in this moment. This is, this is now, this is what you’re breathing, every minute is now. So… it does help you, it does give you certain techniques to calm your anxiety.
Frederique
And stay focused, I guess.
Jeffrey
Yeah, concentration. So… they say it changes the mind, the way the mind brain thinks. Your brain is having a lot of things coming into it all the time, a lot of those thoughts can be destructive, harmful things that are never going to happen. But it can cause you to trigger and get panicked about it. The idea is that, you know, the premise, I believe with mindfulness is that… you don’t attach to these. It is not… your brain is not, is not… a lot of what comes, the thoughts are coming is not you. You need to become an observer. So you need to allow these thoughts that come in, but you don’t attach to them. You think of a river going down, watching a river with the leaves on the stream going down. Just let them pass, bit like clouds in the sky. Just let them pass, don’t attach to them.
Frederique
And… I just, I was just thinking, when you said that if you had those techniques when you were younger, how…? Do you feel that you would have had a better quality of life?
Jeffrey
Possibly, yes. Yes. I was quite a private person wrapped up in my own world, you know? And sometimes, you know, you don’t talk about these things. So I guess, yeah, it could have it, I could have, I could have been, I could have been a better person or that I have any regrets about the way I was. But yeah, of course I did. I used to worry about a lot of things, used to preempt situations, to big word preempt a lot of people do preempt things that aren’t actually ever going to happen. So I might have been, yes, certainly, I would have been a calmer person, maybe. With the benefits of counselling and mindfulness at the time, yes. Today, we’ve got many, many situations out there that can help, help you.
Frederique
Yeah.
Jeffrey
Because mental anxiety and the stresses of life are, as you know, a big thing and very common with many people.
Frederique
It’s a lot of… self care.
Jeffrey
Yes, yeah. Lots of you know, there’s a lot of fear out there, of people get very fearful. I used to get very fearful of situations. I sometimes used, if I had, if I had a panic attack, I would often, wherever it happened, I would often not wanting to go back to that place.
Frederique
Uh huh.
Jeffrey
Even though I knew I would at some point, or I had to. So… because I associated with that happening to me again.
Frederique
I see. I feel the same, and sometimes is very hard to, to face it. And I’m not sure why you have to face it, but I guess… I mean, I still don’t understand why you have to face all of your fears. The only thing I would, I feel that is working for me, is the fact that I, I am aware of my fears. And that is way more important than facing them.
Jeffrey
Yes.
Frederique
‘Cause before even facing them, you have to be aware of those. And sometimes you just don’t know that you have that?
Jeffrey
Yes. Yeah, sure. And well, some days, yeah, some days, they know, there are some days they are there.
Frederique
Yeah, exactly.
Jeffrey
Yes, I think it teaches you to say’ well, look, accept them. There… everyone has these bolts just… but don’t attack. Just let them pass. Refocus.’
Frederique
It’s beautiful.
Jeffrey
If you can.
Frederique
If you can. Exactly. Okay, so that was a good chance. I really… it’s not, no, it’s hard to do. It’s hard. I’ve tried meditation is hard to do. And I’ve tried to focus on those thoughts. And sometimes you… I mean, you do the best you can.
Jeffrey
Yeah, yeah, I think with the mindfulness thing, I think you have to… they say it gets better the more you do it, the brain changes. The changes, your thinking pattern can change. So it’s like anything, it’s like working out or keeping fit. If you stop- sometimes I felt like I, I’m not sure if it’s doing me any good.
Frederique
Yeah.
Jeffrey
I don’t know. But on the other hand, I think there’s most likely been more calming things coming out of it. And it’s made me understand a bit more about myself. Yes. Yeah. So, yeah, I’ll stick with it.
Frederique
Great, lovely. Um, we have to go to a close now.
Jeffrey
Yes, thank you.
Frederique
Thank you so much for allowing us to understand your story and to give us a… uh… how can I say? A good understanding of what is going on in your life, and how to manage anxiety. And I would like to, to close with you choosing, choosing sorry, an answer between the following. So try your within your best ability. So… Europe or America?
Jeffrey
Europe.
Frederique
Avocado or mango?
Jeffrey
Avocado.
Frederique
Morning or evening?
Jeffrey
Evening.
Frederique
Cars or motorbikes?
Jeffrey
Cars.
Frederique
Sweet, that was lovely.
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This podcast was edited by Airglow Audio. Find out more at airglowaudio.com. Professional creative audio.
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